How I bought My Truck a Tonneau Cover for Our Wedding
POSTED AT 12:31 AM

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On a trip to Tijuana with my beloved truck, I got more than I bargained for…


I really love my truck. Some would even label me a truck maniac, but when they do, I take it as a compliment. I got my Ford F150 for my 21st birthday, and from that point on we were inseparable. I did everything in that truck. I mean everything. If I ever get married, I want to somehow contrive to have the ceremony in the truck. But I doubt I’ll meet a chick who understands me, so I’m having my lawyer work on a way for me to legally marry a vehicle. But once, there was a time when I thought we would be separated forever….

On my 22nd birthday, my friend Mike convinced me to go to Tijuana. I had lived in San Diego for a time, but I never had the courage to venture across the border. He told me it was the promised land for those with dollars. He painted vivid pictures involving nonstop partying, giant burritos and Coronas aplenty. Needless to say, I was sold. We piled into my Ford and we were off.

In a surprisingly short amount of time we reached the border. Mike suggested that we park on the US side and then walk across. But I would have none of it. The thought of being in a different country than my beloved was unthinkable. He reluctantly agreed, and we slowly drove through the checkpoint. Crossing the border was pretty uneventful, but when we reached the other side, I was shocked. The difference between the US and Tijuana was extreme. It was much dirtier and slum-like in Mexico, and yet there was a charm to the place. We parked by the side of the road and started to wander. I bought some turquoise rings that I didn’t need and then began to consider buying a pet monkey, or perhaps a burro. I walked a little more past various vendors and then took a turn into an alley. All of a sudden I noticed I was being followed by a scantily clad Mexican woman. She approached me and suggested we go somewhere private.

I started to laugh. “Senorita please. There’s no way you can tempt me. Look at what I have waiting for me.” I pulled out my wallet and began to show off photos of my shiny metal lady. She seemed very interested in the photos, and asked Ford related questions in broken English. Then, all of a sudden, a street urchin appeared. He ran towards me, and with one flying kick to the nards, laid me low. The woman grabbed my wallet and she and the urchin jumped on a motorbike and raced away.

When I recovered, I staggered around until I found Mike. When he heard my story, he was concerned and suggested we jet. We walked back to our starting point and I stopped in shock. Worse than any kick to the groin was the site which confronted me. My truck was gone! An unearthly shriek issued from my mouth and I fell to the ground unconscious. When I came to, I looked around groggily wondering what had happened. I suddenly realized I was riding in vehicle and Mike was driving. “What happened—, I began, then I realized we were riding in my truck!

“What happened?” I asked. “How did you get it back?”

Mike told me that he had found a shady Mexican dealer who offered to give the truck back in exchange for five hundred US dollars. “By the way man, you owe me $500.”

So I lost some cash and didn’t buy a burro, but at least I had regained all that mattered to me. The wedding is in June!




To celebrate, I am going to buy a Bed Rug carpeted bed liner and a new Tonneau Cover . My truck deserves it for all she’s been through.

The Engine Performance I Have Been Looking For Using A Max Energy Programmer
POSTED AT 06:27 PM

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There have been several upgrades that I have been looking into over the past six months. I have rated below, the top mods that I have learned about for my F150 and also mentioned what I have chosen for my first big upgrade investment.




Lets’ start off with one of the first areas that most truck owners look into…. The variety is confusing as heck so I’ll drill it out in somewhat simple fashion. Your engine relies on a balanced mixture of fuel and air for combustion. Currently, your vehicle draws air through the original manufacturer's intake tube and air box, which is typically loaded with a disposable paper air filter. Automakers design your vehicle's intake tube to be the quietest possible unit that can fit in your engine compartment.

While reduced engine noise is of benefit to you, it comes from an intake tube with multiple turns and bends. The result is a drop in the volume of air delivered to the combustion chamber. And, because your stock intake system completely confines the air box in your engine compartment, the air is usually hot when taken in. This combination of limited and warmer air causes fuel-rich combustion mixtures that don't burn at maximum power efficiency.

Performance air intake kits solve a few of these problems in one impressive unit. First, a performance air intake replaces your stock intake tube with a wider pipe that has fewer bends. The result is a higher volume of air that flows more freely, filling your combustion chamber with more oxygen molecules for igniting fuel at balanced, efficient mixtures that maximize power.

There's good news for those of us wanting extra horsepower and torque, though. Your onboard computer can easily be reprogrammed to unlock your vehicle's full potential. When you plug a high-tech performance chip into your vehicle, you'll get:

- Massive boosts in both horsepower and torque across the entire RPM range for stronger towing, faster off-the-line acceleration and rapid passing

- Greater engine efficiency, letting you tow harder, accelerate faster and pass quicker without burning extra gasoline or diesel

- The means of custom-tuning your vehicle to match your modifications and driving style

Your vehicle is stronger, faster and fiercer than you might imagine, and a performance chip is the key to throwing open the floodgates to full-throttle power.

Because your vehicle has a team of horses baying to be unleashed. Stock exhaust systems are designed simply to provide a conduit for spent gases to move from your engine to your tailpipe - no more, no less. On the other hand, performance exhaust systems are engineered to maximize your engine's exhaust flow, giving you:

- Serious horsepower and torque gains

- Distinctive, growling exhaust tone

- Improved fuel economy

Now what I have read on many of the forums out there is that you don’t really see the benefits of each of these upgrades unless you use them together. The intake that you get won’t allow you to reap the full benefits because the newer vehicles will adjust to the new intake. That’s why a performance chip should be used in conjunction to fool your vehicle and will allow for full air-flow from the new intake. The same exists for the new exhaust. Many chips out there can be fine tuned to certain exhausts.

I have an F150 so my need for large tow capacity isn’t as important as larger trucks need, so if you have a gas guzzler and want performance improvements and overall better towing capacity, one or all of these areas should be looked into.




One of the latest mods to hit the market was the Hypertech Max Energy E-Con. I’ll do some more research and compare it to the original Hypertech Max Energy and some other power tuners in my next article.

Me, The Jungle And A Hard Folding Tonneau Cover
POSTED AT 06:29 PM

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I was on the fast lane of the life – successful, powerful and rich. I had everything a man could have, including tons of enemies. But my fate changed, dramatically.



The sun is hot. I think it is around 100 degrees. No clouds in the sky, just a few eagles that seem to search for feed during their long flights over the huge trees. I hear a noise, loud, screaming, the voice filled with desperation and hopelessness. Some ants and spiders are creeping along my feet, increasing my desire to escape this place. But there is no way to get away from here. There are no signs, no streets, and no marks that let me know where I am or where I have to go. This feeling is not short termed and the duration is not determined. It is just certain that I won’t survive when nothing will change within the next couple of weeks. My name is John and my home is the jungle of Ecuador.

Before I came here I was a broker in Washington and my impact on the world around me was huge. I was the owner of the most influential law firm in the city and everyone knew the name John Smith. On Saturdays, I was dining with the president, not the one of the golf club or so, but of the United States. I had more than ten moles in the oval office that took care that I and my partners were informed about each detail, political as well as interpersonal. There were moments where I really thought that I am the most powerful man on earth - and probably I was.

But a life like this brings few friends, if any at all. The number of my enemies was greater than the population of Luxembourg. But Luxembourg is not just the basis for this comparison; it is also the beginning of my demise. I was traveling to this small country near France and Germany because I wanted to open a few bank accounts to save my money from all the vultures around me. I knew it was not right, but only because of the laws and not because of the moral. I was the man who deserved all this money so there were no reasons to give others a slice of the pie – my pie. Unfortunately, there were many people who disagreed with me after finding out what I did in Europe. Especially, my two partners of the lawyer firm, who were very mad with me and hired a few guys to penalize me for my unfaithful actions.

After I recognized this kind of danger, I had no clue what to do. It seemed that my so-called partners had informed everyone in Washington about my misbehavior and suddenly all my contacts were gone, as well as my power and impact. I felt really scared afterwards and I decided to leave the country as soon as possible. So I ended up here in the jungle of South America and now I have been living here for three months. But I am not used to living in this area, where I have to catch my food and the water sources flow from the rivers of the Amazon. I am so tired of this kind of life and each day I get more exhausted.

Right now I am walking through the jungle searching for a few things to eat. But what is this? “Hey, hey! Who is there? I need some help. Please help me!” I think he has seen me. It’s a man sitting in a truck. He returns, and asks me, “Hey dude, what are you doing here? Can I take you with me?”
“Of course, but where I can store all my stuff?”
“Don’t you see the truck bed. There you can put your things and the folding tonno cover will safe them from the animals around us.”

I am now sitting in the truck and thinking about what I will do. I won’t come back to the jungle and I cannot go back to Washington. So maybe I will move to Europe. Hopefully I will find someone over there who can save me from the danger like the tonno cover saved my stuff.




Whether your life is ordinary or extreme, a truck will definitely ease your life. So search for Extang Tonno Covers or a Hard Folding Tonneau Cover And listen to my last advice: Face the truth and always remember that you are responsible for your fate.

How Borla Exhaust and Gibson Exhaust Helped Me Through a Midlife Crisis
POSTED AT 08:03 PM

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Feeling age creep up on you? A midlife crisis isn’t such a bad thing, if you know the right way to deal with it…




I just turned 45 last month and my life has changed a lot. I used to be the life of the party but over time I started to mellow out. I had just retired early and my wife left me for the pool guy so I felt like I needed some major changes in my life.

My hair has been really thinning, so the first thing to try was a new toupee. I hesitated at the door of the wig store, but finally stepped inside. The guy at the store was really persuasive. I tried on a ton of styles but finally walked out with an afro and a blonde mullet.

Next I had to find a foxy lady and so at 10pm I drove out to the club. I fluffed up my new afro and sucked in my gut and thought to myself: “What woman could resist this studmuffin?” Outside the club, there was a long line of beautiful people who were guided by velvet ropes to the entrance. I took my place and flashed my dazzling dentures at a trio of chicks behind me.

As we were waiting, I noticed an ogre-like bouncer at the doorway looking at everyone with suspicion. When someone approached, he would shine his tiny flashlight on their ID, size them up like he was going to eat them and then either push them out of line or lumber aside to allow them entrance.
When my turn came, I started fishing around for my wallet, but the ogre stopped me with his raspy laugh. “No problem for you pops,” he said, “You’ve gotta be as old as my grandpa”. The girls behind me must have heard him because they started giggling and I dove into the club to escape them.

Inside, it was dark and I felt disoriented. Lights were swirling everywhere and the bass was booming so loudly that I considered taking out my hearing aid.
“Hey baby,” I shouted to an attractive woman, gyrating my hip and trying to think of my best pickup line. But for some reason the woman shrieked and ran away.

Just then I noticed a greasy looking guy in the corner motion to me. “Hey gramps, over here.” I pretended not to hear him, but he slithered over and pulled me aside. “I think I can help you my friend” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a plastic baggie. Inside was what looked like a bunch of sweet tarts. Suddenly, it all fell into place. It must have been my bad breath that chased the girl off! And this man was kind enough to bring me some mints! For some reason he wanted a hundred dollars for the baggie but hey, there’s no time to haggle when you’re in the zone.

Just to be on the safe side I downed the whole bag and was back out on the dance floor.

I don’t remember much after that… From what I read on the news, a crazed man started a riot at the club and led cops on a high speed chase in a stolen corvette. Apparently, they never caught the guy, but whoever he was, he inspired me for my next purchase: a sports car with a new Gibson Exhaust system!







I’m gonna check out a Gibson Exhaust and Borla Exhaust system . Then I’ll be out again to rule the night!

How much punishment can deflectors take?
POSTED AT 08:04 PM

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Sure, auto deflectors may not be a strong as a Star Wars-grade shield founded on potent imperial technology. But, they can push aside most of the things that come flying at your ride. Where’s the breaking point? Follow us as we test it out with some common household items.


We’ve equipped my 88 CRX with bug deflectors for the hood line, and vent visors for the windows now. Each is made from what appears to be thick, hardened plastic molded specifically for this vehicle. We torqued the installation bolts pretty tight on the hood piece, and pressed hard on the mounting tape for the window sections. Now we’re ready for battle.

First up: some bugs. Is there a bug that might break a bug deflector? Maybe in Texas or something like that, but we’ll test the deflectors against a barrage of small ones instead. That requires a dusk drive through any field near my Central Valley home, where the gnats can block the sun during the spring, until the first 90° day causes their fragile bodies to vaporize. A quick run around the local hay field turns the once smoke-colored deflectors speckled black—the gut bag explosions even have a glitter effect. But, the forces of bug infestations have failed to pierce this armor. We’ll use this as the control of our experiment.

Next up: rocks. From about 60 feet away, we fired rocks at the deflectors, varying in size from tiny pebbles to some of my mom’s decorative garden stones. The first round of pebbles failed to faze the bug deflector, which fared much better than my paint above and below the hood section. Surprisingly, the medium rocks bounced off the deflector without leaving cracks…in the deflector, anyway. My Honda logo is toast. We finally compromised the deflector’s defensive powers with a larger rock, sized 7 pounds. It took the right corner completely off, but the paint ended up unblemished.

Impressive so far, but it’s time to really put these shields to the test with something far more likely to actually happen on I-5. We did the only thing we could think of: grab our water balloon launcher and some driving range golf balls. Firing from about 100 feet away, we completely busted the bug shield in half. This was on our fifth fire; the other four skimmed off the hood and pitted my windshield, blasted the side-view, knocked my rearview glue loose, and the last one came flying off the front bumper and right back at us.

Then, it was time for some all-out destruction. So we followed the lead of something else that happens all the time on freeways here, and grabbed all the rotted lumber we could find on the side yard. With my buddy Beetle driving his S-10 in front of us on a county road, Mench laid flat down in the bed, chucking boards and plywood pieces at random intervals about three car lengths ahead of us. I managed to dodge the first two, and the remaining pieces of the deflector bounced the first plywood scrap, but the muddy 2x4 he threw third left only a few circles of plastic and the bolts attached to my hood. The deflector was dead.

The results of our test were pretty clear: destroying stuff for no good reason kicks ass. And, for the most part, a deflector will get ravaged pretty easily, but it’s better than having your hood get ravaged instead. Why, you ask, would we wreck a set of perfectly good deflectors and abuse such a hot tuner car? We hate rice rockets, our Grandma gave me the deflectors as though it’s what I really wanted for my birthday, and things suck in the Central Valley during Spring Break when you can’t afford to go anywhere except Waterworld.


Bug deflectors are bound to fail you when they get hit, and we still have no clue what a vent visor is for.

Tonneau Covers - What’s with the Frenchy Name?
POSTED AT 09:03 PM

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Back in the beginning of our second conflict with Sadaam and the I-raqis, America decided to rid itself of the French. The word French was replaced by Freedom; Bill O’Reilly led a boycott against French goods. So, how is it that these tonneau covers went untouched and un-renamed? Let’s take a closer look.



I try to steer clear of anything that sounds too fruity, and anything that even whiffs of the French is definitely too fruity for me. But, when I needed a truck bed cover for my Dodge, the one I bought said “tonneau” on the box. I was furious—the nerd at the local truck accessories shop must have known I would have stormed out before buying a frog product and hid the name from me. Anyways, I immediately went back and asked for a refund. What I got was a quick education in truck bed covers.

The guy behind the desk told me that, not only was this “tonneau” not French, it was made by a company called Access right here in America. Apparently, they inherited this wimpy euro name somewhere in the last 15 years, when soft vinyl covers became very popular. A “tonneau”, actually, was the name for the snap cover for the back seat of old cars, like Model Ts and such.

So, how did this name overtake something simple like “bed cover” or “truck bed cover?” Well, it had vinyl, and snaps, so some people couldn’t bother to separate them from a product that stopped appearing with regularity sometime after the Gatsbys of the world disappeared. At least that’s what that dork at the shop told me.

Me, I think it was a conspiracy, put on by the same censoring suits and hippies who back the liberal media conspiracy. Liberals love to spread French words and that hate-America-first, surrender-now attitude. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were trying to soften the truck-owning heart of America with wimpy language and gas-guzzler taxes like a 1-2 punch. If you have a truck bed cover, you’re still an all-American soldier, fighting for the American way. If you have a tonneau cover, though, you’re a weaker, softer drone just waiting for secular progressives to drag you along on their plans to fatten the wallets of New England elites. It’s a subtle word change, but it means so much more.

Right here and now, I’m calling for an extension of the French boycott that covers these fruity “tonneau covers.” From now on, they should be known as truck bed covers or freedom covers. If they’re not marked as such on the box, don’t buy it. Let the truck accessories dealers of America know what they’re supporting when they carry tonneau covers. I called the folks at Access and told them about the cause, and they told me they saw things my way, so I ended up buying one of their fine American covers anyway. They assured me that the name would change before I needed one for my next truck. And, they blacked out the word tonneau anywhere it appeared on the box. It’ll do for now.




There’s a big difference between a truck bed cover by Access and Access tonneau covers: whether or not you’re a true American.

Tonneau Tragedy; To Fold or Roll, That is the Question
POSTED AT 09:04 PM

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To fold or to roll, that is the question Whether/'tis nobler in the mind to suffer/The slings and arrows of a shoddy tonneau cover/Or to take arms against a sea of tonneau troubles/And by opposing, end them. To snap, to tear/No more.


These days, finding a quality tonneau cover for your rig can be a down-right tragedy. One search on the internet delivers a venerable cornucopia of choices. Hard, soft, roll, fold, snap, tri, bi, retract and hinged. There are enough choices to scare off the ghost of King Hamlet himself. The amount of styles one is presented is, of course, only overshadowed by the number of tonneau manufacturers that exist. There has got to be a ton of money to be made by producing tonneau covers because there is no shortage of companies.

In the old days, my uncle Claude would take me on a day trip to Tijuana, Mexico to get a tonneau made for his El Camino. We would navigate our way deep into the sticky streets of industrial TJ, looking for the little upholstery shop that my uncle did business with. I don’t know how he knew them or how he found them but he did. The place, Jaliscos, was always abuzz with craftsmen making seat covers and tonneaus while drinking from an endless supply of Tecate beer. After a beer and some broken English bartering, my uncle would take me to lunch in downtown TJ. After we ate, he always bought me cinnamon soaked churro, then he would wink and warn me not to tell my aunt Gertrude. When we got back to Jaliscos, my uncle’s El Camino would be sporting a brand new tonneau cover.

Those simple days of Tecate beer, border crossings and chorizo burritos are gone now. Mass production, maquiladoras and homeland security have poured hemlock into the ear of handmade tonneaus from Mexico and left us with a hodge podge of what are now called truck bed covers. On some level it brings a tear to my nostalgic eye on the other hand, I realize that my uncle’s tonneau was really a clunky tarp that actually snapped to his vehicle. And, the snaps were drilled right into the side of his car, permanently!

Today, tonneau covers are simply amazing. The higher end gear can be installed in minutes with no drilling or cutting. They come off just as fast and leave no trace of their existence on your rig. Instead of snaps and straps, modern tarps use quality Velcro or roller tracks to stay on. This also means accessing all the stuff in your bed is easier than ever. Some covers fold open, some even have spring loaded latches and gas struts that lift them up for you. And, with the popularity of ecommerce sites, you can have one of these cool tonneau covers delivered right to your front door.

To narrow it down a bit and keep the costs within this stratosphere, it’s a good idea to opt for a roll up or folding tonneau. The roll up tarps are usually held fast with Velcro and have spring activated tension adjusters to keep your tarp taught. When you need access, you simply roll the cover like a blanket. It rolls up to your cab where you can strap it open or roll it shut again.

The folding covers are usually comprised of a tarp that is stretched over a lightweight frame. The frame is hinged in sections that allow you to lift it like a hard cover. You can lift sections separately on the nicer covers, giving you access to the different parts of your bed. This is a great choice for those who work in the field and need to access their bed frequently.

The end of this debate is no tragedy though. Even though spending a drunken day in Mexico with your uncle is a thing of the past, getting a high quality folding or roll up tonneau cover is something we can all do today.



To help wade through the plethora of choices, take a look at Access tonneau covers. Or, my all time favorite, the Extang trifecta tonneau cover is sure to prove most royal. Basically, you can not go wrong with either.

Flying High With Performance Air Intake Systems
POSTED AT 07:12 PM

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Sometimes ingenuity comes from the most unlikely of sources. What was designed for the soul purpose of this could greatly alter the performance of that. In the experience below, our resident daredevil Johnny Neptune straps an AEM Brute Force Intake to his jet pack.


Like my old man before me—and his before him—I’m a daredevil. I can’t explain it exactly, but it’s in my blood, something I can’t control. Even after sustaining serious injury and dealing with all the pain and suffering that go along with that, I always find myself heading back to the stunt life—it’s all I know.

As a kid I traveled the southwest visiting mostly blue-collar, high-desert towns, putting on daredevil stunt shows with my dad and pappy. They were known as the Notorious Jumping Neptunes of Catron County. Our show boasted a rabid fan base throughout the New Mexico area, where we’d never fail to dazzle ‘em with our aerial antics.

My dad did most of the actual stunt work; my pappy built the bikes, props and ramps and I became the de facto mechanic of the crew. I’d spend my afternoons in the back-lot of a hot, dusty state fairground, wrenching on our equipment. I learned fast, and it was imperative to my dad’s safety that the work I did was high-quality.

Our shtick was the flying motorcycle. We’d strap hang gliders, rockets, wings, parachutes—anything that flew—to the back of my dad’s motorbike. He speed off toward a big wooden ramp and just launch himself into the stratosphere. At that point he’d be air born and whatever winged contraption we strapped to the bike would take over from there.

A few years ago I lost the old man. It was a basic stunt, one we’d done a hundred times. Dad launched from the ramp a little cock-eyed and came crashing down to the horror of the crowd. Something went wrong with the ramp, I’m sure it was because we hadn’t kept up on ramp maintenance since losing Pappy.

We lost Pappy 2 years prior when he got pinned under a ramp we were taking down after a show. The old coot was 78, smoked 47 cigarettes—no more, no less—everyday, drank scotch like a fish and ate bacon and potatoes exclusively. We were sad to lose him, but the old man led a damn productive life.

The first and second generations have now passed the torch to me—it’s my turn. I plan to reclaim the soaring glory that was the Notorious Jumping Neptunes of Catron County. I acquired a jet pack and a parachute from my friend at the army surplus who saves such items exclusively for me. For the stunt, I plan to don both pack and chute, hurtle myself straight up, ditch the pack and parachute safely to the ground.

The jet pack needed some work though. I was surely happy for all those years I spent wrenching on my dad’s contraptions, because the jet pack was tricky. You see, the pack was missing an irreplaceable air intake system. In a moment of clarity, I pulled the AEM Brute Force Intake from the guts of my ’05 Silverado. With a bit of creative fabrication I was able to install the intake on the jet pack.

Wouldn’t you know it; the darn thing runs better’n ever. I guess by letting all that fresh air into the jets, just like the engine on my truck, the thing screams. And, just like on my truck, the AEM Brute Force Intake improved fuel mileage. Now, I’ll be able to get 3 or 400 extra vertical feet before I deploy my chute.

I’ve tested and retested and I’m ready for the stunt to go off. I have some air time reserved at Brown’s Field near the Mexico/USA border south of San Diego. If you’re out in those parts sometime in mid-August, keep your eyes peeled for the last breed of the Notorious Jumping Neptunes of Catron County!



Of course, the AEM Brute force intake, and other performance air intake systems for that matter are designed to optimize the performance of your vehicle, not a surplus jet pack. Expect the same power and fuel gains that I got for the pack though, only a slightly less thrilling driving experience.

AFE Air Filters – An Attribute To Save The World?
POSTED AT 07:12 PM

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For a few months I have been thinking about ways to change something in order to have a hand in improving the situation of our environment. I ended up buying AFE filters. Why? Just read it.




What is happening with our air? Is there anything people can do for our environment? And if so, are there any activities that a single man can do? Does he really impact the whole environment, where billions of other influences factor in as well? For the last two months I have been dealing with these kinds of questions. I thought, if a man who was not able to beat George W. Bush in an election (faked or not), wins a Nobel price due to his huge attainments for the safety of the world, I should at least rescue the clean air in my hometown, where cows and birds are playing golf together and the fox beats the rabbit at playing chess. As you can see, first of all I wanted to consider one element and “air” was the only one that came into question. Why?

Fire: There is no reason to save fire. Just think back to California, where it has destroyed thousands of houses and injured hundreds of people.

Earth: Remember your childhood and how often you got dirty because of all the mud at the playground. And now that I am a father, do I really want to save all the mud on the clothes of my two sons? Of course not!

Water: My sister already wants to save this element, so I can’t copy her - unfortunately. I like the idea of saving a small Flipper in our big ocean.

So there was just one element left, called air. In the beginning it sounds a bit boring in comparison to the other ones, but you have to remember, this is not a selfish competition. The one who has saved the most interesting element will not rule the world. And honestly, who wants to steal Stewie’s dream of conquering the world?

This article is about doing something to avoid an environmental disaster like the ones we have seen in tons of Hollywood movies. And even if I think that they are a bit extreme in order to win the attention and afterwards the money of the spectators (But I am not really sure – this is just an assumption!), I think we have to start changing something concerning our habits as soon as possible.

So last month I began to search on the internet for what I have to do first in order to be the next Al Gore. So I typed in Google: “What do I have to do first, when I want to save the air?” This is pretty logical, isn’t it? I came across a site called “Save the planet”. But as I already mentioned, the whole planet is a bit too much for me because I am a guy from a town that has maybe 2.000 citizens and 20.000 cows. So I kept looking, but I changed the keyword a bit. This time I just typed in: “How can I filter the dirty air from our globe?” By doing this I came across a few sites that were about air filters. I thought that filtering the air with good air filters is probably a good way to start rescuing one of our four elements. So I bought twenty Air filters from a company called AFE. Just two days later I got my new air filters, but I was a bit surprised that something so small could filter air. But I tried it. Unfortunately, it did not work. When I was standing on the top of the highest house in my hometown (18 feet), a guy who was walking by told me why. He said “Hey dude, these filters only improve the engine performance of your vehicle; they don’t filter the earth’s air”. As you can imagine, it was pretty embarrassing.

Afterwards I decided to quit my new career as the savior of the world. But now that I have 20 great air filters for my car, I am the king of the road. And if anyone will blame me for neglecting my dream to save the air that fast, I will answer: “At least I was thinking about finding a way to improve our threatened environment.” Maybe I will also add “And dude, you have to remember, I have air filters!!”




If you are thinking that new AFE Air Filters are a good purchase, even if they won’t save the world (but maybe a bit), then search on internet. There you will come across all kinds of car performance accessories like Throttle Body Spacers. But afterwards, try to do at least a bit to improve the situation of our environment. You will benefit from it. Everyone does!

Breathing New Life into my 5.0 With AFE Filters And AFE Intakes
POSTED AT 06:56 PM

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I don’t care what people say: I’m a Vanilla Ice fan through and through. I even went so far as buying a 1992 Ford Mustang GT with the 5.0L V8 so I could roll like Ice rolls. However, after fifteen years of putting the pedal to the metal, my ‘Stang started running a little rough. That’s why I added in an AFE intake with a fast-flowing AFE filter. Now, the old girl screams

No one’s a bigger Vanilla Ice Fan than me. I’ve got every album that this musical, lyrical god has ever released, starting with Hooked in 1989 and ending with his 2006 Best of compilation. When To the Extreme hit the scene, I almost lost my mind from excitement. Everywhere I turned, there was The Ice. On the radio. On TV. On the silver screen. I’m not ashamed to admit it, but I’ve watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II every Saturday night since it was released on video. Much to the amazement of my friends and family, I even quit my job for a year to follow his North American tour. Those were some of the happiest days of my life. When the tour ended, I was stone broke and had to hitchhike my way back home to Pensacola. But I have no regrets.

After I returned from my Vanilla pilgrimage, I got a job at a local record shop. I tried applying for more lucrative positions, but Spinner’s Vinyl was the only place in town that would hire me with all those lines shaved into the side of my head. I didn’t mind, though. It gave me the perfect opportunity to introduce everyone to Vanilla’s B-sides and the bootlegs that I recorded at a few of his shows. You should have seen the looks on people’s faces when they walked in and heard my acoustic version of Roll ‘Em Up blasting through the overhead. After a while, my boss forbade me from playing my idol, so I had to enjoy it by myself through my headphones.

It took a long time, but I finally saved up enough dough to buy my dream car: a white 1992 Ford Mustang GT with the 5.0L motor. I was rolling with the ragtop down so my hair could blow. I even added in a bumping sound system to catch the attention of the girlies on stand by. They never really waved or even said “hi,” but I did catch more than a few looks. Those were glorious times. I had cash, a deluxe car, and an endless well of premium tunes to satisfy my ears.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. My GT started choking a little about the time that ol’ Van Winkle stared in the first Surreal Life. Not exactly a high point for his career or my car, but revitalization was just around the corner. I hunted around on the internet to find some parts to boost my performance. I ran into some sites with great reviews for AFE air filters and AFE intakes. Because this is an Ice ride, I went with the full-blown cold air intake. As soon as I bolted that bad boy into place, my Mustang drove like a brand new invention. The oxygen was flowing like a harpoon right into my cylinders, delivering huge horsepower gains to wax all the chumps at the red lights like a candle. Word to your mother.

Whether you choose AFE air filters or AFE intakes, you can't go wrong.

Which Air Filter Really Makes the Best Coffee Filter?
POSTED AT 06:57 PM

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An ill-produced TV commercial recently hit the airwaves, feature a mechanic who uses a paper air filter as a coffee filter. The ad is—you guessed it—for a performance air filter company stating that “paper is for coffee filters.” It got out crack team to think, “which air filter really is the best for using as a coffee filter?” Play along and see.


OK, so K&N now has a commercial with a mechanic who puts a paper air filter in its place: inside the coffee machine. Apparently, K&N hasn’t heard of idiots who go and do exactly what your far-fetched commercial shows. Do they care about the children? Anyway, it’s not a very well-done commercial (not to get all Siskel and Eggbert on you guys), but it did get us thinking about, well, being those idiots who do what the far-fetched commercial says. This should be very fun, but in very poor taste…literally.

First up, the paper air filter, which we pulled out of my buddy’s Dodge just for fun. It’s been about, oh, 20,000 miles since it was last changed, during which time there were two gnat swarms and one huge wildfire—like snowing ashes and hard to breathe wildfire. The dingy paper was hard to tear out of the urethane frame, but we got it stuffed into place with even a couple of bee carcasses. We fired up the machine, scooped a couple of Yuban clumps in, and let ‘er rip. The results: terrible. Let’s just move on. We can’t tell if the solid bits are poorly filtered grounds or fire leavings.

K&N is next. We figured that if they’re going to brag about being a better air filter than a paper air filter when actually installed on a car, then it’s fair to compare the two in the coffee machine test. Cutting an acceptable piece out of a fresh K&N is a little tough, given the wire mesh and all. But, some tin snips helped us get the right shape filter. Of course, we had quite a bit of trouble getting coffee out of the machine. Since it’s pre-oiled, the filter tended to repel the coffee that should have been seeping down into the pot. Once we finally got a cupful, it was terrible. I spat it all over the guys and gagged, then threw up in my mouth a little bit.

The last one for the test is an AFE Pro-Guard 7 air filter. That’s 7 full layers of filter to stop little bits of coffee grinds from getting into the carafe. But, will the coffee even get past the thick cotton-gauze with the slick oiled coating? It did…through the top of the filter container. Sure, a few drops came out through the nozzle, but much more spilled out the top. It was a complete mess. But, it did make the best coffee of the three, given that it tasted like French roast with three pumps of Torani WD40 syrup. Yuck.

In other words, we’ve figured out that mimicking bad commercials due to summer boredom leads to puking, and to bad coffee. And some pissed-off parents when their morning brew reeks of automotive oil. But, we now know why K&N didn’t show their filters as the supreme coffee filter, though they tout themselves as the peak in filtration technology. Their coffee lost, and so did the paper filter’s. The AFE filter won, but, if it wouldn’t let coffee past, how’s it going to let more air past than a paper filter or K&N? We don’t really know—we’re not into testing things in their actual use.


Air filters like AFE filters don’t really make good non-automotive filters. Buyer beware.

Setting The Record Straight For Cold Air Intakes vs. Short Air Intakes
POSTED AT 09:59 PM

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I can’t even count how many articles I’ve read about intake systems. And I’ve discovered that most people have no clue what they are talking about. I’m going to set the record straight once and for all. It might be smart to learn how intakes work before shelling out a few hundred bucks.


Let me start by saying that cold air intakes and short ram intakes both have their pros and cons. That being said, they are also very similar. The Short Air Intake System, AKA as a Ram Air Intake or Cold Air Induction, is a system that will utilize some type of external scoop that faces forward on the vehicle. Normally, it works with a pair of snorkels or a single hood scoop through which fresh air enters. Now the Ram Intake does exactly what it sounds like. As you start driving, fresh air is “rammed” through your hood, forced down the intake manifold, and filtered through the air cleaner. Once you hit thirty five mph, this intake system will act similarly to a turbo charger; taking in more and more air to increase your horsepower. Oh yea, and they are much cheaper.

Let’s look at Cold Air Intakes. The Cold Air System replaces your stock air cleaner box and its plumbing with a simple tube that relocates the air intake to a position where it is picking up cold air from outside the engine compartment. This system consists of a large tube that allows greater airflow capability than the stock filter system. I’ve noticed that people have expressed concerns about water penetrating their engines with this system. First, it is HIGHLY unlikely that this will ever be a problem. Rain and water droplets are no problem. The only case that could be a potential threat is if you drove into an extremely deep puddle, submerging the intake head. The car would have to be in the water so that the intake was submerged, and then it would start sucking up water, making your engine hydro-lock.

In both cases the intake is collecting air from outside your engine compartment. The purpose of the intake is to collect a colder air charge than inside the engine compartment, allowing the fuel management system to give the engine a denser air/fuel charge into the combustion chamber. To clarify: Cold Air = More Horsepower. The warm air from your engine compartment is good for fuel economy, but because is has less oxygen molecules than a cold air charge, the fuel will be leaned out. This increases your fuel efficiency, but decreases your horsepower. To conclude, you should look at your car and figure out what system will work with your car’s ground clearance and hood type.


Now that you are an educated shopper, you can look through all the cool colors and designs to pick out your intake. Injen intakes are very popular, but I’m currently using an AFE intake. Can you hear that? Sounds like the record has been set straight.

Demystifying The Myths Of Cold Air Intakes
POSTED AT 10:00 PM

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Cold air intakes are one of the most popular modifications for car enthusiasts. But how effective are cold air intake really? I personally prefer regular or short ram air intakes over cold air intakes.


I recently put of few thousand miles on my car driving across the country. So I went over to the local Jiffy Lube to get my oil changed. The mechanic tried sell me a new air filter, but I chose to hold off. They weren’t giving me a great deal, so I figured I would at least check out a few performance air filters if I was going to be spending the money anyway. I started doing some research and discovered that there are two types of aftermarket intakes that people like: either short rams or cold air intakes. The two names pretty much are self explanatory. The short ram intake has a shorter pipe. The cold air intake has a longer pipe that allows the intake to breathe in cooler air because it is further from the engine. Sounds logical enough, but then I my inquisitive mind got the best of me. I’m a little unclear about the abilities of cold air intakes. If you have ever popped your hood after a long drive, you know that everything under the hood is scorching hot. Would it really matter if the intake head was a foot further from the engine? Moving the intake is like putting a pan in the oven; it is going to be hot no matter where it is because it is in a confined area with limited air flow. Secondly, cold air intakes have longer pipes, which mean that air has to travel a longer distance to reach the engine. I’m not a car expert, but I do know the general principle behind turbo engines and increasing horsepower. Horsepower is derived from an equation where the major factors are the amount of air flow to the engine and the density of that air. If a cold air intake is longer and is bent in order to reach a different part of the engine bay, then it will take air longer to reach the engine. Also, the bends in the cold air’s pipe prohibits maximum air flow; a short straight pipe would be ideal. Now even though the short ram intake is breathing warmer air because of its location, it will simply start sucking in cooler air as your car accelerates. Sure, it may not give you as much horsepower when you are at a stop sign, but then again, who cares? The weather should also be taken into account. If you live in Florida and it’s 94 degrees out, it doesn’t matter where your intake is; you’re not going to be getting cold air. And even if you are in premium driving conditions, how much cooler would the air be that is a foot away? Would you really miss or even be able to feel if you had 1 Hp less? I could see if you are Vin Diesel in the Fast and the Furious, racing for pink slips, then you might want to get the most out of your car. But until that day, I think regular air filters and short ram air filters are the better choice because they are cheaper.


Also, upgrading to an aftermarket AEM Cold Air Intake or a short ram Air Intake can add a throaty growl to your car’s sound. Both types of intakes have their pros and cons, so you should evaluate your priorities when shopping for one.

Air Filters, Chocolate Rain and 15 Minutes of Fame
POSTED AT 09:00 PM

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Everyone has a chance to get some quick fame these days, so why not cars?


That saying about how in the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes seems to be coming true. I was checking out YouTube the other day and it is insane how many people put up videos!

One video especially got me thinking. It was a song called ‘chocolate rain’ sung by a guy named Tay Zonday. It really seemed to summarize the way this quick fame system works.

The actual video is of Tay – a young Michael Jackson impersonator made of wax-
standing in front of a mic and singing to a piano beat. Lyrically, the song consists of one line, then the words “chocolate rain” repeated nonstop for 5 straight minutes. The main standout is Tay’s incongruous voice, which is frighteningly deep for his puny frame. As the song progresses, he occasionally turns his head aside to breathe, adding more unintended humor.

Most people who watch the video think it is some kind of bizarre joke, although the lyrics are supposedly profound. After its upload, the video received millions of views and spawned several parodies. But the main point in all this is that an ordinary person can reach the masses overnight, possibly get a recording contract, and quickly cash in before everyone wakes up and asks “what were we thinking?”

So I started to wonder, why shouldn’t I get in on this? All that’s required is a camera and way too much spare time. I finally came up with an idea involving my main interest – cars and car accessories—a way for my car to get the worldwide recognition it deserves.

I will film my car Roberto’s life over the course of a week. The opening will take place in Roberto’s home— the garage— early in the morning when he wakes up. He’ll drink a cup of oil, cough and slowly start up. He’ll then swerve his way down the highway— just another bleary head lighted Ford Escort joining the morning commute. And that’s when the action will start. Out of the corner of his headlight he’ll see a curvy Asian Camry bat her wipers at him. He will respond by enthusiastically belching exhaust from his tailpipe. But then when all is going well, a beefy Hummer will suddenly appear from nowhere, flanking Roberto and splashing him with mud.

Blinded, Roberto will spin out of control and fly off a cliff. A huge explosion will result and the scene will fade out. The next scene will begin a week later in the hospital (pep boys), where Roberto awakens and is gazing sadly at his twisted and scarred body feeling like he’ll never be restored to his old form.

But all hope is not lost. A skilled surgeon (my mechanic Al) will put Roberto back together. He’ll get all awesome add-ons, car side vents and a new air filter, which will him into a sleek, well-oiled machine. In the end, he won’t even recognize himself. I think that song from Rocky should be playing as Roberto gets a new lease on life and makes his comeback.

And if my video should get more than a million views? That would be great. Once Roberto gets his well deserved recognition, he will become an instant celebrity, honked at wherever he goes. Maybe he’ll even get his own reality TV show….



The author is interested in car related topics and accessories such as Air Filters and Car Side Vents.

Performance Air Filters—Turn Your Competition Green with Envy
POSTED AT 09:01 PM

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Whether you’re looking to beat the IROC guy at the light or the prices at the pump, don’t underestimate the power of a performance air filter. What may be the easiest modification you can perform on your car just happens to be one of the most effective.



Adding performance modifications to your car can be a pretty daunting exercise. With so many parts available and so many levels of performance on the market, it’s hard to even define what people consider performance. For instance, a Corvette pretty much screams performance right out of the box. Then again, squeezing 10 extra horsepower out of 120-horse Honda motor can also be seen as major performance boost.

Some folks are after the ultimate performance, Ferrari and Lamborghini style; others simply want to improve their existing performance, Hyundai and Saturn style. And of course, performance is relative. What 155 MPH means to one man could very well be another man’s nightmare; and while one man considers 55 MPG a benchmark for performance, it’s a total waste of time to another.

The one product that all performance seekers can agree on is the aftermarket air filter. It’s a fact that engines are basically glorified air pumps. Air gets drawn into the engine where it’s heated, exploded and shot out the exhaust. Simple physics dictates that if you can get more air in, you’ll get more air out; which makes more power in the process. This extra power can be used to improve performance—speed, mileage or otherwise.

A more powerful engine not only runs stronger, it runs more efficiently. So if the mileage miser keeps his foot out of the throttle, the power will translate to increased mileage. This is due to the fact that the more powerful engine has an easier time of moving the car. And of course, any extra power gives the speed freak what he’s after—quickness.

There are many performance air filters to choose from, but most use the same basic design. About 30 years ago, K&N developed the cotton-gauze filter media which revolutionized the industry. This material lets more air pass, traps more dirt and lasts much longer than traditional paper media. Since then, most companies have taken K&N’s basic design and tweaked it a bit to gain a market foothold.

The major difference between air filter brands is going to be their list of vehicles. Large companies like K&N and Green Filters have extensive application lists that include nearly every vehicle you can think of. They also produce universal fit options as well as race-specific filters for everything from Indy cars to go-carts.

So, when you’re looking for that performance edge, whether it’s speed, torque or mileage, a performance air filter should be your first stop. Your engine will run better, you’ll experience results instantly and installation takes only minutes. You’ll feel good about the upgrade and your car will thank you for it.




There are many air filter companies out there specializing in performance filters. For the average vehicle, it’s best to stay with the big guys like K&N, green air filters and S&B. They’re more likely to have the filter you need, no matter what you drive.

Prevent Accidents With Simple Things – Like ATV Ramps
POSTED AT 08:06 PM

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This is the story of me, a young guy who had all potential to become a very good football player. But one day, one mistake changed my life completely.

I am 26 and since my childhood I have been playing all kinds of sports. In the beginning I was very interested in soccer, but then I recognized that just girls wanted to play with me. Till today I can not understand why soccer doesn’t have as good a reputation here in the USA as it does in Europe, where soccer players have the same status as Football players here. And you can not believe how great the atmosphere is in soccer stadiums over there. I lived in Germany for a couple years so I know what I am talking about and I don’t exaggerate when I affirm that the experience in German soccer stadium is comparable to a football game in New England. But to defeat our sport understanding I can say that Europeans have no clue about Baseball and Football, the kinds of sports I started after finishing my short but successful ( maybe the reason therefore is just the fact that I nearly just played versus girls) soccer career.

After taking the step to a more masculine world, I was confronted with a huge competition because every guy from 10 to 18 has just one dream: Become a famous and rich baseball or football player. I am realist and so I never had the objective to be a star but at least I wanted to play on the team. And I achieved my little goal after my first training session and the coaches recognized that I was very talented in comparison with the other guys in my age. Both in baseball and in football my skills improved very fast and I was on my way to getting traded to another better team, which was playing for the regional championships. At seventeen I decided to move away from my hometown to play in the suburbs of L.A, where a pretty good football team was interested in my strengths as running back on the one side and as option to throw the ball on the other side. My idol is Tomlinson from San Diego, who is able to throw and catch the ball, so I tried to get both skills too. And after dozens of endless training sessions, I was not far from being perfect in both.

So you can see that I was on my way to a good college and I think if everything continued like this, I would have had a very good chance of achieving this goal. But the using of the if-clause probably shows you that something prevents this…

It was on a Friday when I came home after two weeks at a training center where our team was preparing for the start of the season. I was very exhausted and weak because our coach made us practice and train really hard. But before I was able to relax and just lie in bed and rejuvenate, I had to bring a bit of stuff from my truck to my room like a TV, a small table and couch. My parents were not home and so I had to do it all on my own. But this was a very bad and fateful mistake! Because I didn’t have a ramp for the truck bed, I decided to jump with the TV down from the truck bed and a few seconds later I was lying on the ground with broken knees and ribs. I don’t want to tell you all the details of story because it is still very hard for me to talk about it, but in order to sum it up I had to quit my sports career immediately. The years after this were not easy and it took a long time to continue my normal life. But as I mentioned I am a realist and after some time I remembered that there are so many other and probably better ways to earn money than playing football. Now I am a doctor and try to help people with injuries like mine. But this article has another objective. It has the function to prevent similar accidents and one very easy way is not to overestimate yourself, but use devices that can help you – like a simple truck ramp!


So please listen to my advice and search for accessories like ATV Ramps or a Warn winch. I promise they will ease your life!

Stay Cool with Cold Air Intakes
POSTED AT 08:07 PM

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Wanna know the easy way to get to the top? You gotta stay cool. This goes for your demeanor, your attitude, your look and most importantly, your automobile’s engine. The best way to squeeze extra power from your engine and propel yourself to the head of the cool class is to install a performance cold air intake system.


It’s not as easy as it looks to stay as cool as I am. I mean, following the fashion trends alone is like running on a hamster’s wheel. You gotta know the right people, read the right magazines and have the right friends on your My Space account. Staying abreast of the coolest restaurants, nightspots and after-hours clubs can seem like full-time job. But, when staying cool is what you do, it’s worth the cost.

Luckily, I’ve found one way to stay cool that happens to be way off the hipster radar. I’m talking about a performance cold air intake kit for your vehicle. I mean these things make your engine cool, literally. Now, a cold air intake may not be a great fashion statement or get you across the velvet rope, but they are very cool.

By sucking in great gulps of cool, fresh air, a performance cold air intake system delivers a cool boost of power to your engine. The systems open up the passage to your throttle body which makes a cool sound when you romp on it. Plus, you’ll feel the extra power sucking you into your seat while burning rubber out of your night spot’s parking lot. The local movers and shakers will certainly take notice when you roll by, looking hip and sucking in all that cool air.

It may not be your scene, but gear heads and car guys love performance cold air intakes. In their world, popping your ride’s hood to reveal a polished or anodized intake tube is about as cool as it gets. You can roll down to your town’s Wal Mart parking lot, or wherever the local hot-rod haunt happens to be and get all kinds of accolades and thumbs up from these guys. Now, that’s not saying much as far as hipster clout goes, but motorheads are pretty cool, none the less.

The coolest thing about a performance cold air intake system is the fuel savings. Now, I know it may not be cool to talk about saving money, but it is cool, way cool—in a green sort of way—to save gas. You know, Al Gore and all those celebs yakking on and on about global warming. Since your engine will be running so much more efficiently with the cold air system, it uses less gas—simple. Now you can take that gas money you saved and drop it on some overpriced drinks for the Goth chick you’ve been eyeballing at the Danceteria.

There you are; a few cool tips from the coolest guy you know. The best way to keep your engine running top notch and looking cool is with a performance cold air intake system. As far as keeping yourself cool, log onto my My Space page and check out my entire list of “How to be Cool” tips. Stay cool, dudes.



Cool, cold air intake systems are made for most vehicles on the road, especially later model vehicles. The list of intake brands is a long one, but a good place to start is with K&N, Volant and the coolest brand of ‘em all, the Airaid intake system.